The feelings I expressed in my last post, although very real, are appearing less and less in my journey. Thankfully. When I read journal entries like the ones I shared, I remember experiencing the exquisite pain, the loneliness, the despair, the feelings of no worth. But the feelings which were debilitating are no longer there. The Saviour has taken them away. I remember them, but I no longer feel them... as often. I still feel sadness. I am still grieving our relationship. I still feel heartbroken at times. I still weep sometimes.
I do realize that my husband, although it was his choice in the beginning to view pornography, has now become a puppet of sorts to this pornography and sex addiction. That one choice, out of curiosity, has made him a slave and prisoner.
The only way out is the Saviour. And I know that one day my husband will reach out and take His hand and let Him heal him.
I pray daily for my husband. For me. For our family.
I know that as I continue to follow the promptings of the Spirit, am obedient, repentant, and do my best to live the life of a true follower of Christ, I will be exactly where my Heavenly Father and Saviour want me to be.
Where they want us to be.
Continuing in faith and hope...and joy.
Noelle
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