Fiery Darts

I am realizing that the 'fiery darts of Satan' spoken of in the scriptures are very real.  He is out to destroy us and will get to us however he can.  For me those darts come as whisperings piercing my heart and mind with negative thoughts about my worth.

I have always known that I am a daughter of God and of great worth, but always believing it has been a challenge for me.  When pornography entered our lives, it cut deep into my vision of my worth as a woman.  How could my husband look elsewhere if I were enough?  What is wrong with me?  What can I change about myself so that he won't have to look at other women? 

Then the fiery darts started flying at me, one after the other, affecting every waking moment of every day.  'You're not pretty enough'  'You're too fat'  'What is wrong with you that you can't even keep your husband satisfied?'  'What a loser you are' ...  I believed those whisperings more than I believed my worth.  Afterall, the evidence was staring me right in the face, wasn't it?

 I know that no one can give or take away our worth.  It comes from our Father in Heaven, for we are His children.  It took a very long time for me to really, really believe that.   I have learned that putting on the armor of God and checking it often to make sure there are no cracks in it is the only way to deflect those fiery darts.

First, recognizing the whisperings of the adversary is key, for then we are able to fortify ourselves.  How do we do that?  By filling our minds with the words of the Saviour.  By filling our minds with goodness.   By always having a prayer in our hearts.  Be being grateful.  By meditating and pondering. 

I realize this sounds so 'easy' and so simple.  There have been many days where I have been unable to function due to the paralyzing effects of the  pornography that has entered my life.  The pain is so deep, so agonizing.  It tears your heart apart.  One wonders what the meaning of life is and if it's worth going on.   

When I have  felt these feelings, the only place I could go was to my Saviour.  He is the only One who can truly Heal me.  He is the only One who truly knows of my deep pain and anguish.  Turning to Him has given me the strength to put one foot in front of the other.  To smile on the outside when I am dying on the inside.  To make dinner when all I want to do is curl up in a corner and weep.  To see my husband as He sees him. 

To have hope.


Noelle